During zazen, my mind brings up that I want to get on with my life.  

I have unmasked a plan. 

To have a plan I am making a comparison, a judgement.

A plan to get on with my life instead of living it as Zen wants me to do…

Living totally in the here and now, because that is all there is. 

The breath in zazen brings me to the present moment. 

Desire only brings more desire and with it frustration, because the desiring mind, never has enough!  In zazen, I seem to be constantly reminded of this!  But to say desire is wrong, is just another value judgement. So I don’t want a desireless mind…  Unless I do!  Circles within circles.

It is not easy not to retaliate when somebody treats you badly, but as a Zen practitioner I feel that this is my challenge. For to hold resentment about anybody else is really to hold it about yourself.

When we are aware of another person, our awareness of that person becomes part of our self. To resent or hate that awareness is all done within the  ego-mind and causes great disturbances. That is why the value of forgiveness has been preached for thousands of years - but it has not been easily taken on board.

Life doesn’t set out to hurt us, but it doesn’t set out to make us happy either. To learn that lesson is up to each of us.

The image on the right is a Zentangle. I am no artist, but they are fun and quite revealing. In the Zen tradition they are supposed to be done with a black pen, but I always was a bit rebellious!  :-)  For more information on Mandalas and Zen art, visit Udaysree’s blogpost

Quote from The Gateless Gate in a part 2 of the book, Zen Flesh, Zen Bones….

If you like sweets and easy living, skip this book. It is about men tremendously intent on being reborn, on satori, enlightenment.

After studying a number of spiritual disciplines, I have found that Zen is one of the most powerful ways to transform the quality of daily life that I have ever come across, and I found that reading this little book has been a great support to me in my life as a Zen practitioner. If however, Zen doesn’t float your boat, it will not make the slightest bit of sense and chances are you will soon close its covers.

Unlike other philosophies Zen is like climbing a huge mountain in which the climb is more important than the destination. This is where a great paradox comes into action… What is the point of making such a climb if to achieve your goal and reach the top is of the least importance? Exactly! The answer is in the question itself and comes to the practitioner experientially - so experientially that words are inadequate to explain the profundity of it. Climbers of great Mountains like Everest come closer to spirit of Zen when they answer the question, ‘why do you do it?’ by simply stating, ‘because it’s there!’ To me, my well-thumbed copy of this little book, is such a mountain, every time I read it!

I first purchased this book many years ago after doing a Zen weekend workshop that opened my mind to this irrational philosophy – if indeed it is a philosophy as most Zen masters say that Zen is not a philosophy. Philosophies get discussed and debated about, Zen is a living energy that is applied to day-to-day life. 

Zen Flesh, Zen Bones is really a very apt title, because it really does get down to the flesh and bones of Zen from page one.  Reading it elicits what I can best describe as a very subtle experience of expanded consciousness that seemed to grow as I grappled to find meaning in its words.  But Zen Flesh, Zen Bones does not give a meaning, only more questions like, what does is it all mean?

There are four parts to the book the first part containing Zen Stories, which are stories of the exploits of Zen masters and their students first written in Japan some time in the 13th Century. Whilst some of these stories seem to make sense, there are others that when I first read them, left me confused, and wondering what point was being made. Now years later, I realize that Zen points to awareness by making the student think about what’s being said and drawing his/her own reality and conclusions from it.

The second part of the book is called the Gateless Gate, and getting into this, if one has “survived” the first part, really starts to take rationality apart. It consists of 49  koans – koans were devised to stop a Zen students rational mind blocking his  path to enlightenment. They make little sense and the answer is in the koan itself.  When I first read this Gateless Gate, I remember thinking that I might as will give up. That I was never going to get it! So I just read on from one to the other, and suddenly it felt as if my mind just stopped, as if I’d blown all the fuses. As I think back, I think this was my first experience of what the Zen masters call, no mind. I have since learned that in Zen practice, whilst we are seeking, we are blocking that which we seek, and when we give up, it simply comes to us. But we have to seek first!

The third part of the book, is called The 10 Bulls that describe by text and ink block drawings, the progressive path to enlightenment. Although enlightenment can happen in any instance at any time, the Ten Bulls is a compromise and recognizes that in our day-to-life there is a progression of events from a concept to it its realization.  We first search for the bull (the path) and find what we are looking for. We then have to capture and master the techniques (taming and riding the bull). Then letting go (transcending) the bull and then any sense of self, to realize enlightenment and then come back into everyday life but this time we can apply the spirit of Zen.

After all this “mind scrambling” in the first three parts of the book, we need to become centred. Centering is recognizing that we are the same person that we have always been, yet somehow different in our awareness and perception of life.

I have read many Zen books and participated in many workshops over the last 30+ years but I still refer to my well-worn copy of Zen Flesh, Zen Bones very often and get something from it.

Zen Flesh, Zen Bones (UK link)                                           

Zen Flesh, Zen Bones (USA Link)

I often look for inspiration for blog posts from activities I do on line. And today I responded to a post on myLot, a forum I have been a member of for several years about how I handle life’s burdens…

As a Zen practitioner, I aim to experience all the ups and downs of life because life is a roller-coaster.

My philosophy is that if I resist going down into the stress periods on the roller coaster, I will not get enough momentum to get up the other side and experience the highs.

In Zen it is said that if we are looking for easy living, then quit Zen.
 
The discussion is here - http://tinyurl.com/33hdt7w

Having written this post though, I have to remind myself that Zen is not a philosophy at all but a living energy that shows a practitioner how to be mindful of all aspects of life, good and bad, because opposites form a whole. But there again, if Zen is a whole then it does not exclude philosophy, but sees it as something to transcend.

In Zazen, the mind goes on thinking thought after thought, yet this is OK. It needs to be OK to just sit and witness; getting to experience Self as observer.

A feeling of correction occurs, but this does not come through logic, but through the spirit of Zen that touches us in an instance. It is beyond explanation. Even the word “correction” isn’t it!

For it is wordless.

It has to be experienced to know it.

This is the essence of Zen practice, to just be aware. There is no correct or incorrect way to reach such awareness for it is beyond all that sort of judgement. 

There is no path, for it is “path-less”.

Just be with whatever there is…

Without seeking, for it already exists.

Zen always gives me the question, “How can I drop the illusion?”

I recognize it is pointless thinking that Zen will give me any sort of answer as the practice of Zen points to Self at one with all else. The answer to “who am I?” cannot be answered by the intellect. It can only be experienced as context. If context can look at itself and give explanation, then it ceases to be context!

Whilst writing an e-mail to a friend today, a memory of a Zen-like experience came to mind. One day, many years ago,  I decided to sit and read through all the koans in a book called Zen Flesh, Zen Bones; the chapter called, The Gateless Gate.

The koans don’t make sense at all and tend to throw up all sorts of barriers in the mind, as if reading a very difficult and heavy piece of literature. But where one could look up the meanings in the literature, there is no way of defining koan.  On this occasion I disciplined myself to concentrate on each koan, acknowledging that I would not understand it intellectually at all. As I continued to read, my mind became more and more confused until it seemed to blow all it fuses, gave up its quest for meaning, and suddenly became very calm. I felt totally balanced and at ease with myself. A case of my Self being the answer and not the mind’s analytical ability. 

I think I will have to take some time out and read the Gateless Gate again, but I must take care not to expect anything from it. To let go of that past experience and read it here and now and see what I get.  Maybe some inspiration for another post…. Reading it seems can expose self, providing it doesn’t make sense!

Witnessing the mind does not involve any desire for enlightenment for how can I be what I already am? 

Just allow the mind’s antics to unfold. Notice what is ego, and see if you can get what is not ego.

In my zazen, I witness how the mind tries to seduce me into entanglement with its plans and decisions of past and future. 

There is nothing to get when we already have it!

We always have a choice. So what is this thing called, choice? It is purely subjective therefore resists all attempt to define it. We just choose! But how? We just do it.

Is it an act of whill?  An act of will cannot be defined, only experienced - if we can stay aware. We can choose anything, even that we do not wish!